Desolation
by sillybunny
Summary: As Roy Mustang's most trusted subordinates are harmed, Roy does his best to survive and make amends with the tantalizing reality of what has happened. Some scars are best left untouched. However, with the help of his friend, perhaps there's a chance for hope and recovery.
1. Chapter 1

" _It doesn't look like he'll survive any longer. We're currently reading no brain signal activity. It seems as if we'll have to discuss this ordeal with the Ethics Review Committee. For now, I can't say anything, but the burns on this boy are far more herroundous than anything I've seen."_ An indistinct mumbling can be heard, with the exception of 'he doesn't have much longer to survive' _What did he say?_ _Fullmetal is … Full- Edward is going to die?_

A cool drift breezes throughout the rooms, and the soft buzzing of a summer night's insect only accentuates the piercing deafness in the room. The faint sound of the monitor pulses throughout the night. The hazy moonlight only emphasizes his harsh, hollowed features. If he didn't animate at bizarre timings of the night, anyone would doubt if he was an actual living being.

All he could see was pitch black. The flames that once lighted the path now tormented him to a screeching blindness.

 _How many months has it been? Two months or three? If…if only I hadn't done this! I killed the lieutenant… a-and I killed Edward!_

As Roy held his breath, he felt a soft tug. _Lieutenant? No that can't be right._

His eyes suddenly opened.

"What?" _This… this can't be right? No way, his mind was playing a trick on him… it couldn't be._

"I thought you would be here."

It should have just been a normal reunion. He would have gone through it being eased and somewhat excited as usual, perhaps even pushed over a few times if Maes had good news. However, now whatever deity was up there was feeling was particularly malicious.

His eyes flared with anger, however, it was soon diminished when Roy realized what exactly was going on.

"What… what do you want from me?" Maes flinched at the hoarseness of his voice.

"Well there's a lot, but I… look, I just want to talk. I'm going to be straightforward here and tell you it as it is. I just want you to come back. You've been in here for months and no one has ever heard from you!"

"I'm okay. You can leave now. I'm fine"

"I'm not blind, I can see the way you look! You're not fine at all! You haven't even left the hospital at all, and the only time you do is when you're forced to go and clean yourself. You barely sleep and you look horrible!"

Maes' composure broke down. At first glance, he couldn't even tell it was Roy. Roy's hair was growing long, as it was greasy and thin. His face suffered razor cuts and was scabbed heavily. His cheeks hollowed as his eyes suffered baggage underneath them. He lost weight, as his once fit physique was now almost skeletal. His clothes were stained and hung loose from his body, as they were wrinkled and unkempt.

" Everyone is worried sick!"

"Everyone?" _What a lie_. "Everyone.…everyone?" A bitter sensation swelled on his tongue. His heart dropped and a wrenching feeling developed in his stomach. "Maes, don't shit with me right now. Everyone? Who's everyone?! Everyone I cared for is dead… and that's because I killed them!" His voice cracked as he fell to his knees. His heart ached as the thought he killed both Riza and Ed possessed his mind.

"What about me? Did I mean nothing to you? What about Alphonse? Havoc, Feury, Falman, or Breda? What about them? Were we really just pawns of yours so that you can disregard us when you're done using us?"

Roy stared blankly at the floor, unable to speak. What was he really going to say? That he couldn't face Alphonse because he had killed his brother? He knew the hell they've been through and yet he still foolishly let his anger kill another innocent person. Or was he going to tell his team that he couldn't avenge Riza and instead killed Edward? That Riza trusted him and died and he couldn't even do the least for her? That he was responsible?

"Was… was that really true?" Maes whispered desperate to hear an answer.

"Maes please just leave me, please. I can't deal with this right now."

"Can I ask you one thing? What about me? Did you really forget about me? Are you really going to forget everything we did? I know it's hard and I'm not telling you to forget, but please, at least talk to me."

Maes exited the room, and once again the eerie silence crept the room. As much as he hated to admit, Maes' voice comforted him.

 _Maybe he was right? Maybe I shouldn't be kept up here. But then again, I DID do this to Edward._

As Roy's eyes grew heavy, his eyes shifted to Edward. He fell asleep believing, for once in what seems like a thousand years, that maybe he can do more.


	2. Chapter 2

Minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, and days turned into weeks. Maes began visiting Roy soon after their reunion. Initially, they began talking about small stuff going around and Maes kept Roy updated of events. Soon after, Maes let Roy stay with him after long convincing.

—

After a nightmare, Roy almost seemed _convinced_ that Edward was dead. His blood curdling screams awakened Maes, as he panted, desperate for air. He grabbed his aching chest and tears rushed down his face.

 _Edward is dead_.

The image of Ed being burnt alive instilled his mind. In what seemed as if he could escape from the world and make amends vanished. When the crooning voice of Rap Jesus reached his ears, he floated away into another universe, lost in the darkness. He didn't know how long he had screamed and cried there until he was abruptly shook by Maes.

"Roy! What's wrong? What happened?"

Maes began to cradle Roy's head as Roy desperately grabbed for him.

"Edward is dead! He died! Maes I killed him! What do I do?"

"Edward isn't dead, Roy. He's still in the hospital. You can go tomorrow and check yourself."

"Are...are you sure?"

"I'm sure, there's nothing to worry about."

 _But there was._ If Izumi and Sig didn't take legal ownership of Edward he would've died. Winry and Alphonse had just lost Pinako and he couldn't imagine what would've happened if it weren't for Izumi and Sig. The committee had already decided to pull the plug. Maes knew, but he could never let Roy know that, whatever hope Roy had would shatter.

Maes led him downstairs and into the kitchen, keeping an observant eye on Roy. Although Roy hadn't needed the help for a while – he was becoming a bit more open — his behavior grew quite worrisome. Roy sank into his chair while Riza's dead, bruised body laid. _She went through so much torture, yet, she still protected_ me. _I couldn't even do the least for her._

Maes attempted conversation, but Roy mostly gave one-word answers. While he knew what despair his friend was going through, and tried his hardest to help him, he knew there was so much that needed to be fixed.

—

Roy walked hastily toward the hospital. He shoved his head in his hands. A small feeling led Roy to know something was going to be wrong. Maybe Edward wasn't dead, but something else was sure to go wrong.

 _The weather sure is pleasant._

A thunderstorm had taken over the city for few days. Flood warnings occurred few times, and harsh winds threatened small businesses and travel to be made. The air was foul as sewage levels increased.

As the nurse told Roy to wait, his eyes wandered around. The dim lighting and sanitized smell caused Roy to wrinkle his nose. As his eyes landed to the television, something shocked Roy.

" _Stephen Hillenburg_ _is said to serve 1 year on probation and 5 months doing community service. While news is said that Mr. Hillenburg has killed First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, no evidence was found. Only circumstantial evidence brought by Colonel Roy Mustang was provided. Although there is no evidence on murder, there is proof of laundering…"_

 _WHAT THE FUCK? NO EVIDENCE? BULLSHIT. THERE'S ALL THE EVIDENCE NEEDED TO INDICT HIM MURDER. NOT ONLY DID I LEAVE IT IN THE OFFICE, BUT I ALSO GAVE DIVISON 12 COPIES OF THE EVIDENCE!_

Roy was infuriated at what was going on. His pulse was rising, as his blood and veins were throbbing. It was as if Roy had gone any mad, he would explode.

Roy bolted towards the phone. _Think dammit think!_ _Whose number do I remember?_

Roy dialed up Havoc, and after two calls Havoc finally answered.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"HAVOC, it's Roy. I need you to tell me something."

"BOSS? It's been so long! How ha-"

"There's no time for small talk right now, I'll call you later, but for now please tell me what happened to the evidence in my office and the one I submitted."

"Well, about that... You might not like it, but your office is gone. Due to the amount of days you hadn't shown up, I believe they fired you. So all your belongings in the office are gone. To make it even worse, Falman who remembered it is well, well he's gone. We haven't heard from him ever since. The higher up say he's been relocated to the North, but no one in the North knows of him. Everyone has been separated. I don't know where anyone is. And for the evidence, well some higher ups took care of the case. It _can_ be speculated they're involved and have relations between RJ."

After some idle talk, Roy was raging. _Of Course. This all makes sense. Aim for the Queen as she is the most powerful. Strip away the players, and you have a checkmate._

As the nurse called on Roy, he winced at the sound of her voice. The walk to Edward's room made it seem as if he were traveling miles through a long, hot, desert with no resources. As soon as they reached Ed's room, his eyes welled with tears. Edward was there, and it seemed as if the Curtis has visited. What was he going to do now? Stephen was free, Justice was all bullshit, and he harmed Edward.

After spending hours alone in his room, Roy came to a resolve. As the moon gleamed dimly, covered by the clouds, Roy headed out to the one place he knew Stephen Hillenburg was going to be.

Maes was worried sick. He searched all the places he thought Roy could be. His stomach was growling with hunger, and he was thirsty. His clothes became wet, and he shivered as cold winds chilled him. After seeing the news, Maes knew something terrible was going to happen. It had been a while since he's felt this horrible. The only time he was worse was when the doctors told him Gracia was sick.

 _I can't afford to lose someone else I love._

" **Roy where are you?!"**


	3. Chapter 3

After a long time, Roy had returned home. He was bruised and fearful. His body was trembling uncontrollably, and his clothes reeked of blood. A small scar was on his hand in what seemed like a transmutation circle.

"Who do you think you are?"

Roy looked up. It was Maes.

"What?"

"Don't think you can just enter my house. At least tell me where you've been. I was worried sick. Where were you? Why didn't you come home? What were you doing? Answer me."

"That's not important right now. What _is_ important is that Riza didn't die in vain."

Maes stood and gradually came to understand what Roy has said.

"What? Is this why you're covered in blood? Because you killed a man? Roy what the hell, I'm not in the mood for a joke."

Roy laughed and smiled. "What's wrong? I did the right thing didn't I?"

"No you didn't. You killed a man."

Roy couldn't grasp what Maes has said. _A man murdered Riza and I avenged her. Is he insane?_ Roy began picking up things near him and started throwing them against the floor.

"Roy, enough! I know you couldn't forget, but you could've at least forgiven yourself. "

"But I did. I finally killed him. I finally can go to Alphonse. I can finally meet my m-"

"Really? Assaulting a man? Killing a man? Starting a fire God knows where? Doing all this?"

"Don't make me the bad guy." Now Roy was really agitated. Was Maes really going to tell him he's wrong? Was all that he done, the hardships he went through, the struggles he faced, the way he _suffered_ , was Maes really insensitive to that?

"Roy, I- I gave you EVERYTHING! I took care of you, and I put my own cares down just for YOU. And this? This is what you do? I believed in you. I believed that you can do better. That you would fix yourself. There's nothing here that can fix this!"

"Maes, shut the fuck up. YOU don't know what I've done. You lied to my face saying that everything would be all right, but was it really? If I just waited there like an ass then everything would have been worse. YOU said that justice would serve him. YOU said that everything would be all right. YOU said that you would support me! But you lied and you DON'T! I thought YOU trusted me!"

"I'm a fool for not seeing this earlier! Don't you dare pin this on ME! And trust you? How can I trust you when you've never given me the reason to trust you in the first place! Roy, you're a filthy son of a bitch! A monster!"

"A monster? Because I killed that bastard?"

"This is exactly what Edward wanted to prevent! Don't you understand? He didn't want you to kill Stephen Hillenburg. But you did! And not only that but you burned him! Edward could've died! And you're the one to blame! And now not only will Alphonse lose a chance to get his body back, and will Winry lose another family member, but you'll be the killer!" Maes has just realized what he said. He didn't mean to, as his anger was fuming. "Wait-"

Roy suddenly fell to his knees and let out a harsh, choked breath.

"Don't you dare bring him into this! I know what I did! I never want to see you again!"

After arguing for some while, Roy left to his room, and soon returned with his stuff inside. In what seemed like hours, Maes was still there in the dark sobbing. Roy was pained, however he knew he had to this.

"I've been thinking it over and this… this was never going to work out."

"Roy I'm sorry… I love you. And I mean it. I don't mean to hurt you. What I said was wrong, and words can't express my regret. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this."

Roy stood quietly for a few minutes. He was shocked. He knew he loved him too, but if Maes couldn't support him at his worse, was there really anything to care for then?

"What do you want me to say? Do you… do you want me to lie and say I loved you? Do you want me to say that I can now care for you? You broke whatever there was between us. You… you broke my heart."

Roy headed towards the door and was about to leave. Maes crawled towards Roy and grabbed his leg. His eyes were swollen and his face was red. A pained expression crossed his face in his desperation to have Roy. He didn't believe he would survive if Roy left him. The moments of Gracia dying flashed before his eyes. He realized just how alone he was without Roy.

"Wait. I didn't mean that. Please, come back."

"If you know what's good for you, don't come around me. Maes, I know you didn't mean that, but I can't let this go. I can't be happy and keep being oblivious to what was stated. Even if I do stay, you don't know what will happen. Perhaps I'll remember this out of nowhere and be upset. And—and you shouldn't keep up with my behavior"

Roy managed to pull Maes away from his leg, and left outside. He could hear Maes' violent screams, but couldn't dare look back. He knew Maes and knew what would happen. Roy left while sobbing, his heart aching more than when his parents, the people he idolized and would sacrifice anything for, abandoned and neglected him.

 _It's for your own good Maes. I loved you. Please,_ _forget about me._


	4. Chapter 4

A warrant for Roy was established, and Roy soon went to prison. Though there was no evidence that he murdered Stephen Hillenburg, he served time for 3 years.

After serving his time was he free. He finally could repent for what he had done. He went to find Alphonse and check on Edward. His lonely lights in prison physically harmed him with sleep deprivation, starvation, and a of assault, but throughout the long nights he heard Maes. A small persona of Maes had been created, and if it weren't for the voice, he actually considered suicide.

The truth was that none of them were able to understand what could await them if they decide to to remain with one another. Moreover, in the aftermaths of what happened to them that night, he decided to avoid unwanted attentions toward one another.

He sent out to Maes' home to find him and talk to him. To make amends. To come back and start fresh. As he reached Maes' home, he realized a few strange things about the house.

 _That's weird. Did his sense of style change? Heh._

He knocked on the door to hear a young girl open the door. A girl with a large, white dog had answered.

"Hello! Are you here to see papa!"

"Hm, no. I've came to see Maes. Maes Hughes. Can I speak with him?"

"I don't know that name. My name is Nina, and my papa's name is Shou. We've been here all lonely and moved two years ago after my mom left."

Suddenly, Roy heard a man's voice. _Maes_?

"Ah hello, my name is Shou Tucker. How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Maes Hughes. He's the previous owner of the house."

"Oh is that right? I bought this house two years ago, but I do know that the previous owner passed away. They say he got shot."

 _Shit! What the hell? Maes would never. This must be a cruel sick joke, right?_ "Do you know anything else?"

"No, I'm sorry."

Roy soon left and headed straight for the library. Surely, there must be some record. Upon his arrival, he headed straight for the archives. For hours, he searched up newspapers to find something.

 _What? This… This can't be right. Lt. Maes Hughes has been shot in a phone booth... There are no suspects… he's buried in BÖLIN Cemetery."_

Roy grabbed the papers and headed straight for the cemetery. _Maybe… maybe this is all a coincidence? Maybe it's someone by the same name. He can't just die on me!_

As he searched for the gravesite, his stomach couldn't help but churn. He felt nauseous and wanted to vomit. Was that really how he wanted to last meet the person he loved? Because of something foolish he did?

At his gravestone, he fell to his knees. _I can't believe this! He's really dead_.

"Tell me what's wrong."

The sunset had came, and the night slowly crept. He kneeled on his grave and began uncontrollably sobbing.

"I can't stand the silence between us." He begged for Maes to answer him. He hugged at the gravestone, desperate for an answer.

"I never meant to hurt you." As much as he knew what he did was wrong, his true intentions were to never hurt Maes. He couldn't handle the effects of what could've been.

"This wasn't supposed to be so complicated." Maes had done all his best to prevent this. Maes had cared for him, and was by his side the whole time. He stayed late at night for him, provided for him, loved him unconditionally, and sacrificed so much for him. How could Roy have let this happen?

"Please, I'll do anything, just talk to me". He kept yelling for this, only gasping for air in what felt like his heart would collapse any moment.

In the end, he soon came to realize that not all problems have solutions, and not all scars can you recover from.


End file.
